Dealing with the loss of a loved one is devastating for anyone; however, it is especially hard for children, especially if they’re too young to even really understand what death means. Although you, as the parent, are grieving, it is still your responsibility to help your children understand and make sense of their loss.
Preparing Them
One of the most important things you can do to help your child deal with death is to prepare them ahead of time. You have to explain death to them in a way they can understand. Maybe you do this in the context of your religion, or perhaps your child would be more comfortable hearing death explained in terms of science and logic. TV shows such as Mister Rogers and Sesame Street address these topics in specific episodes and TV can also be a good way to help children understand. Discuss death in a way that is best for your children. You’re their parent; you know what will work best for them. Trust yourself. Be honest with them about what death means, but don’t scare them. Patiently answer their questions, and help them understand as much as possible.
The Death and the Funeral
The next step is getting children through the actual death and funeral. Be there for them, comfort them, and find ways to help them remember their loved one as they were. Sit down with your children and go through photo albums. Tell stories about the person you’ve lost. Remind them that even though their loved one is dead, he or she will never be forgotten. Explain what the funeral will be like and give them the choice of whether or not to attend. If they say no, don’t push. Respect their choices.
Continue to Grieve
After the funeral, things will likely get harder. Until this point, everyone has been busy with things to do. Now the loved one is gone, the funeral is done, and you’re all left with the emptiness and loneliness that follows. If you feel your child needs more help than you are capable of giving at the time, don’t be scared to ask for help. Studies have shown that traumatic childhood experiences can affect how an individual might struggle later in life. So don’t be afraid to get professional help for your children if they require it. EMDR therapy has had great results in helping children deal with their grief, and sometimes your child just needs to talk to someone who isn’t you.
Never rush your children through the grieving process. We all grieve in our own way, and your children are no different. Simply do what you can to prepare them for death and be there for them throughout the process.
Has a loved one recently passed away? We know it can be overwhelming to think about who to tell and how to tell them, but MyObits can help make the process easier.
