Among all of the details that must be attended to when a loved one passes away, the most difficult for many is writing an obituary. We want to make sure we honor their life appropriately and we also need to get all of the important details correct. Here is a step-by-step guide to writing a powerful and moving obituary.
The Basic Elements
Starting with a blank page can be overwhelming. The best way to write an obituary is to break the task down into smaller tasks. There are six basic elements to an obituary:
- Announcement of the death
- Biographical sketch
- Family details
- Service details
- Closing message
- Photos
The best way to write an obituary is to write one section at a time.
How Long Should It Be?
One of the most common questions about writing an obituary is how long should it be? If you are writing an obituary that you plan to have printed in a newspaper you need to know that newspapers charge per word and per photo. It makes sense, in this case, to make the obituary as brief as possible.
Increasingly, people are foregoing expensive print obituaries and are listing obituaries online where less expensive and where length is not a major concern.
The first element of an obituary is the announcement of the death of your loved one. This is usually done in a straightforward manner. Here is one example of a typical announcement:
Jane Doe of Boston, Massachusetts passed away on Friday, January 5, 2018. She was 87 years old.
Sometimes phrases such as “after a battle with cancer”, “passed into the rest of the Lord”, or “surrounded by her friends and family” are also included.
Some obituaries will also list the cause of death in this part of the obituary. This is a deeply personal decision. Obituaries can be complete and beautiful without listing the cause of death. Some families feel sharing the cause of death in the obituary can help prevent them from answering the same questions over and over again. The best choice is what you and your family feel most comfortable with.
This is usually the longest part of the obituary. Remember, you are not writing the entire life story of your loved one. Each of our lives is too complex to list everything we have ever done. Instead, stick to a thumbnail sketch of the person’s life. Typically, the biographical sketch includes milestones like birth, marriage, education, employment, and military service.
There are no rules that prevent you from listing a step parent as simply a parent. Your goal is to honor your loved one and communicate the details of their life and death to the community, friends, and family.
Family Details
In this section, you list all of the people who preceded your loved one in death. Make sure to take time to think about who you need to list. Usually, people include close family members like parents, step-parents, siblings, step-siblings, spouses, children, and step-children.
You also need to list the surviving family members. Again, make sure you do not forget to include everyone. You will want to have someone else check your work on this section. Sometimes in a moment of grief, a family member is forgotten, causing hurt and damaging relationships.
Service Details
You may want to consult your funeral director for the best formatting for this section. However, the most important thing is that you have all of the details correct. This means you should have the time, date, the day of the week, and location of the viewing, the memorial services, and the burial services. You want people to have all the information they need if they wanted to attend or if they wanted to send flowers.
Closing Message
Sometimes people will include a closing message with an obituary such as, “in lieu of flowers please make a charitable donation in Jane’s name to ____” or “The family gives a special thanks to _____ for the care and love they showed Jane”, or “We will always carry you in our hearts”.
You don’t have to have a closing message. However, it can be a nice way of honoring your loved one.
Photos
Newspapers will charge extra for photos. Most print obituaries only have a single picture because of space and cost concerns.
Online obituaries often are much less restrictive. Most people try to choose a photo where the deceased looks happy and healthy. But, again this a personal choice with no right or wrong answer.
